everything i knew about nothing long back....& now...

when i was a child i used to close my eyes & try to imagine "nothing"...No me,no room,no world, no stars, nothing atall..only miles & miles of darkness.....I tried hard not to think of anythink & feel the chill...my mind,of course would not let me discover nothing...there were scraps of memories & thoughts falling into the black night...but most of all i would get tired of it & slaken a bit...& in would come a shred of lamplight from another room,the mind would rush towards it like a heart towards whatever it understands of love...Nothing would quickly become everything.The sound of voices, the furnitures,the porcelain container of a mother's love.The world would rush back,object by familiar object...
I wish i could close my eyes more often now.....& feel the streaks of light rushing back to me in-between the eye lashes.....one can feel pretty alone without the familiar clutter....

but now i find this aloneness can be pretty intoxicating......
you are just left with yourself........& you can simply love being that way......
cause thats when you discover so much of yourself which you never knew was there in you atall...!! you learn to respond more spontaneously to life...
with more energy...with more honesty....thats when you are in love with life.....
and everything seems beautiful & you just wanna share it......
try being alone sometimes & enjoy yourself..........

in my solitude.............

In my solitude......
in my solitude i am neither man nor woman.
if i were in loneliness i would be sharp & angular as one of the two..
sifting things through a sieve,choosing a few elements,rejecting others.
in solitude i pass beyond choices.
the privilege of solitude is to be undefinable,very precisely human.
so in our solitude we look the most beautiful....

valentines day.................

can we really celebrate love just for a day in the whole year....& think we are happy??
a blind date on that day would be more worth it.......no expectation atleast.....
moreover they cant really last so long......

almost all real love stories are never talked about...as thy are never even realised that they existed.....cause they are really too short & crisp....they are just like a gentle brush of cool breeze.....some very intense moment that makes you feel that something very beautiful
just happened... for a split second it made you forget who you were & where were you..
for the first time it made you feel so stupid in the first place....just when you didnt know
what to say....how to respond....when you exactly found yourself helpless....most vulnerable
.........yet nothing seemed more important or true than being right there.....just there.....
thats when you stop to reason....your mind doesnt function...and all words seem hopelessly shallow.....& most of all you seem insignificant......for that moment when u loose your identity
I guess that would sound like love.....not real though...cause it rarely happens...and when it happens its so different an experience...you dont actually keep notes of all that happened...
its more like a dream....that seems unreal the next moment....

and obviously it cant last long....how long can we exist by forgetting our self???...
by not measuring all that we want out of it ....and all that we cud give.....
and not be hurt in the process......or not try to own the person??....if it really was selfless
we cud never have had such unhappiness out of it.....than what happens to all the sad songs???

so,it does sound too complex...i m sure we are better off without it.....cause we really cant have control in it.....that sound eerie....and you actually might loose your senses..thats uncomfortable too.....easy going relations can only keep pace with our fast demanding world...where we mostly get things done...like buying valentine gifts..expensive ones...dedicate songs maybe...send an sms...or do hell lot of useless conversations, minting new words, phrases that dont actually mean anything much....& than get bored soon.....no options i guess.....

but than; life can get unreal sometimes......
just when valentines day dont really matter....and with every single day comes a beautiful moment when you feel like pouring out your heart...without a word....just a gesture maybe...
look out for those moments.....they can change life........

3rd post

hazaroo khwaishein aise ki har khwaishein ki dam nikli.....
thats what galib says ...but than can we really keep a count of our dreams....?..
or maybe substitute one for the other.....or limit it to accomodate to my well packaged life.......

its te only natural thing tht happens to us without any manipulation....isnt tht the only good thing about sleep...that the dreams can come & go on their own accord..unpertubed by our speudo existence...often, being the only urge from inside that makes us function so normally in this otherwise so very unnatural reality of everyday living..

dreams are those blocks that gets moulded from our undiscovered self....it alone can make us happy without a reason...take us by surprise...is that me really???
they are like short lived bubbles that bursts only to show me there are so many reason to be happy about...& so few justification of trying to pretend to be not myself....

but let the dreams be only for the present ;as i m now....giving me the intense feeling of silent happiness that comes from within to be with me....and for me to share it with you...maybe..

the second post

if we can accept the fact that we hate to be left alone, will things get easier?..can we really choose the right kind of people we want to be with..?..he also needs to choose me,right..
I just wondered, given the choice, will i gladly agree to be with someone like myself...
in that case, i can happily live with myself alone...

the first post.

it took me a lot of time to creat the blog; so,i m exhausted.why cant things be a little less complex?..well, intension is not to bore.We can simply start off by taking the first step, the hardest one,they say.But than,unless we take it, how can we know whether we do like it or not. so I thought i'll start to gibber;maybe you can think otherwise.